Tuesday, 17 July 2012

We Don't Like Bullies!


It's a very sad fact that at some point in our lives we will encounter bullying. I would hate to be a teenager with all the social media which can enhance the bullies powers. When I was at school (back in the day) if someone had a problem with me then she/he may bitch about me to a few other people and that would be it.

But today, a person can bitch about you on Facebook or Twitter, they could even upload a picture and add a nasty comment about you. All of which will be seen by hundreds of people, and in worst case scenario it could go viral.

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It breaks my heart to hear on the news of another teenager who takes their own life because of bullies. These bullies usually remain anonymous and plague the person with abusive texts and emails. To the cyber bullies, it could just be a joke, but to the bullied, it is sheer hell.

I was bullied at school but nothing too serious and I was never too frightened to go school. I was very lucky. However, when it came to getting a job I never thought I would have to worry about bullying in the workplace, how naive I was. I just couldn't believe this could go on, adults and bullying? Surely not! However it did. Everyday.

It wasn't long before I became very anxious at the sheer thought of returning to work on the Monday morning. Sharing an office with women who I knew were talking about me the second I left the room and giving me death-stares all day. It was awful. At the time, I never understood why they had such a problem with me. What had I done wrong? I was always pleasant and worked very hard.

And there the answer lies. I was nice, I was happy, I was keen, I was climbing the ladder and I was young. These women didn't like me for being happy and they really resented my enthusiasm. I don't think it helped that I was unable to participate in discussions regarding Eastenders or Coronation Street either. I was different to them, I had aspirations and wanted to achieve a lot more. But this shouldn't be a reason to pick on someone; to make their life as difficult as possible, surely? It all boiled down to jealousy. Jealousy causes hatred which is then the catalyst for subtle bullying which then grows to constant persecution.

Privately I would cry my eyes out but I never let these bullies know how much they were hurting me with their snide comments, blaming me for their mistakes and purposely not giving me certain information for me to carry out my job efficiently. I rose above and smiled, I killed them with kindness and would always buy them a birthday card and gift.

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I never realised back then that these women were just jealous but I certainly do now. It makes me feel sad that I used to worry and frequently think about how I could get these scumbags to like me. I wish I had never wasted my energy on this but at the time I wanted to work in a harmonious environment.

Now, I have my own children and I have to hear their sadness of when a fellow pupil at school has been nasty to them, I always say the same thing. It is that person's insecurity, not yours! Do not take on board what they have to say, they must be very unhappy in their own lives, you just have to feel sorry for them and be proud of the fact that you will never be like that.

What causes people to be bullies? Why would they want to inflict such sadness on others? Whatever the reason, there will always be bullies and I honestly believe bullying occurs because there is no deterrent. Every bully knows they will never be reported because the person who is getting bullied is too frightened for fear of repercussions.

I can remember the advice I received when I was younger. "Just ignore them!" Yeah like that really works! I ignored the women in the workplace but they still persevered in making my day-to-day working hours as miserable as possible. Then, there is also the other words of wisdom "Tell someone!"  So I did. I went to the Personnel Manager in tears, with copies of sent emails I had printed off which clearly showed the bullying I was being subjected to. The Personnel Manager advised me to go away and think long and hard about reporting these ladies because it would probably cause more harm than good. The following Monday morning I handed my notice in. It was my only option.

I know that everyone has experienced some sort of bullying and it is terrible that as adults we have to endure such bitterness from others. How do you deal with the scumbags?

Teresa x