Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Learning to Run Through the Pain

I am going to post this before I get second thoughts...there is no backing out now!

run through pain

When I was at school, I was always one of the girls who would skive PE. I would sit at the bottom of the field in the glaring sun while everyone else sweated it out. I couldn’t face the frilly sports skirts, the ugly PE knickers and, let’s face it, the downright hard work.

In fact, I remember watching my friend rub grass into her eyes during the summer so that she could avoid PE. Despite her having to skip school for a week, I was envious. I wanted to miss PE that badly.

I stayed that way for most of my life. Or at least, I stayed that way until I faced the hurdle of Depression.

Those who know me (and there are a few of you!) will testify that I have always suffered from the illness. It would often plunge me into black holes of despair where I could see no way out, no glimmer of light, no hope. Life seemed bleak.

But then, I discovered exercise. I found that it helped me face Depression. It made me realise that I could fight it, that my body was STRONG. I didn’t need anyone else – I could do it on my own.

Then, two weeks before Christmas, I faced one of the hardest challenges I have ever faced. I had a miscarriage.

All I want is to be a mum. Really, it is all I have ever wanted – I just never came to realise it myself. Caring for others is what I do best.

So when it happened, it knocked me hard. In fact, it knocked me completely off my feet. Again, I found myself in a dark space with no way out. I couldn’t understand why it had happened to me. I blamed myself and I punished myself by refusing to eat.

Then, when everything around me was crumbling, something inside me pinged. Out of nowhere, I found myself desperate to run. And run I did. I ran and ran and ran. I ran through the pain, I ran through the injustice of it all. I ran until I cried.

Quite simply, I discovered running.

While I am not a ‘runner’, I now love to run. Being alone clears my head, while pounding the streets makes me feel strong and powerful.

I have even realised how easy it is. Anyone can do it – you included! You don’t have to be fit and all you need is a good pair of trainers. You can run anywhere, for as long as you like. Free as a bird.

As I push myself harder, my breath like frost in the wind, I know what I am capable of. And that is anything.

Sam x

(Pic courtesy of http://fitnesshealth.co.uk/breathless-running.html)